Cutie Mark Crusaders Tales of Exports
by Sweet Kagamine Kiss
Summary: Apparently there's an ancient book that has the symbol of the Cutie Mark Crusaders embossed on the bright red cover. It's the title that draws some attention to it: Tales of Exports. And the book itself contains many pages of small stories, notes, and other writings of unique interest. Care to read?
1. The Announcements

**Cutie Mark Crusaders Tales of Exports**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the official characters from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. Lauren Faust is the person who created this generation of ponies. I also do not own anything that may emerge as crossover material. All I own are any original characters used as filler ponies.

This is a collection story for _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. It is mainly CMC!Centric but may also feature other ponies from the show. It may also contain the occasional Pinkie Pie randomness.

* * *

**The Announcements**

"I'm the second coming! I am the messiah of the mike! I can do whatever I desire!"

Applebloom then sprints about the room on a hysterical rampage, as Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo watch her lose her mind.

The door slams open by a mule kick and in walks the school's principal.

"Applebloom!" the stallion yells angrily.

Applebloom gasps, as she turns to the microphone on the desk. The ON light was green, showing it was currently on. The entire school heard her lose her marbles. Sweetie Belle looks away whistling rather innocently, as Scootaloo just gave Applebloom an odd look.

"Scootaloo, you're doing the morning announcements from now on," the principal tells the orange filly.

"I can't believe it... brought down by an on mike," Applebloom muttered.

"I told you... it's a powerful weapon," Sweetie Belle told the young Apple filly.

And it's true. When they decided that doing the announcements could somehow earn them their cutie marks, they volunteered to do the job as the principal assigned. Turns out it can be corruptive since Sweetie Belle lost control, and was replaced by Applebloom. The filly from the farm didn't last the morning hour a week after she took over for Sweetie Belle, and succumbs to the power of the mike. Scootaloo meanwhile had taken a sip of water that was left undisturbed on the desk, fixes the papers with the morning announcements, and takes a deep breath, then calmly exhales. She grabs the mike and pretty much goes berserk.

"YOU (BLEEP)ING MOTHER(BLEEP)ERS, I'M GOING TO SHOVE THESE ANNOUNCEMENTS SO FAR UP YOUR (BLEEP), THAT YOU'LL REGRET HAVING CRAWLED OUT YOUR MOMMY'S (BLEEEEP)! SO (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEEEEEP), YOU (BLEEP)ING (BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)! RAINBOW DASH RULES (BLEEP)!"

"Scootaloo!" the principal yells, as the filly pegasi starts crying realizing what she just did. "No! Forget this! Nopony will do the morning announcements anymore! Just get out of the office! You all got detention for the language use!"

The three fillies were shooed out of the room.

The worse thing: they still didn't get their cutie marks for the troubles.

Too bad the principal got fired later that day when he forgot the mike was on... and had aired some of his dirty laundry for all the young fillies and colts to hear creating a huge scandal in Ponyville for that month. And what was his excuse for all of this?

(BLEEEEEEEEEEEEP)

* * *

**Hey, it's listed under Teen so those swears needed to be censored. I'm pretty much running on odd thoughts and only four hours sleep.**


	2. Are Shadow Reapers the same as Hollows?

**Cutie Mark Crusaders Tales of Exports**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the official characters from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. Lauren Faust is the person who created this generation of ponies. I also do not own anything that may emerge as crossover material. All I own are any original characters used as filler ponies. This is a collection story for _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. It is mainly CMC!Centric but may also feature other ponies from the show. It may also contain the occasional Pinkie Pie randomness.

* * *

**Are Shadow Reapers the same as Hollows?**

There was once a dark creature locked in the realm that is Tartarus. It is called in the books a Shadow Reaper. Thanks to Lyra and her human fascinations, the Cutie Mark Crusaders had caught interest in these paperback magazines that depict humans who fight dark creatures and govern life and death. So Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and Scootaloo were wearing all black clothes as shown in the magazines, but fitted for a pony's body rather than a human's. And now they were on the adventure to get their cutie marks, and also be heroes of Equestria by slaying the Shadow Reapers they now believed were the same as the black creatures in the magazine called Hollows.

How can a pony use swords when you got no hands, or opposable thumbs, you ask? Simple: Sweetie Belle had her magic so she was easily able to yield a sword (after they borrowed three from a weapons smith shop in Canterlot). The other two would have to use their mouths and keep a firm grip on the handles. But before they could traverse into Everfree Forest, they were caught by Rarity who was with Twilight over at Fluttershy's Cottage. They were grounded. But this wouldn't keep them from getting their cutie marks!

Lyra was told to hide her human obsession stuff from the fillies after a discussion from Twilight (with help from Bon Bon).

* * *

**A bit of BLEACH and Lyra Heartstrings background cameo. Imagine the CMC were real ponified Shinigami...  
**


	3. I Don't Think We Should Do This

**Cutie Mark Crusaders Tales of Exports**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the official characters from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. Lauren Faust is the person who created this generation of ponies. I also do not own anything that may emerge as crossover material. All I own are any original characters used as filler ponies. This is a collection story for _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. It is mainly CMC!Centric but may also feature other ponies from the show. It may also contain the occasional Pinkie Pie randomness.

* * *

**I Don't Think We Should Do This**

"Uh, Applebloom?" Sweetie Belle spoke up.

"What?"

"There's no way we can get away with this idea."

"What's the problem with what I'm coming up with, Sweetie Belle?"

"For one thing, I'm sure the adults will tan our hides if we started this. We're still fillies, for cryin' out loud."

Applebloom's ears droop.

"Not to mention that if anypony caught word of what we were doing, we'd be in so much trouble. It'll be like the Gabby Gums situation," Scootaloo told her friend.

Even thought they apologized for everything for the Gabby Gums situation and they were forgiven for it, the two fillies had a clue that something like this just would not go well, and not even much apologies wouldn't make things right again.

"Okay, fine! We won't become Cutie Mark Crusader Arsonists of the Everfree Forest."

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle sigh in relief as that idea was scratched out in pencil.

"Let's try being adult pony stars!" she cheerfully exclaims.

The other two hoof palm.

* * *

**The last part is just something someone threw in my face from a Facebook Chat convo... my god r34 is corruptive... yup.  
**


	4. Sky Pirates

**Cutie Mark Crusaders Tales of Exports**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the official characters from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. Lauren Faust is the person who created this generation of ponies. I also do not own anything that may emerge as crossover material. All I own are any original characters used as filler ponies. This is a collection story for _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. It is mainly CMC!Centric but may also feature other ponies from the show. It may also contain the occasional Pinkie Pie randomness.

* * *

**Sky Pirates**

Applejack looked up at the sky. Hovering above Sweet Apple Acres was an airship. It looked home-made.

"Heya sis!" Applebloom waves from the front deck, wearing a pirate's hat.

"What in tarnation is goin' on here?"

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo pop their heads up onto the front deck.

"We're Sky Pirates!" Sweetie Belle cheerfully exclaims.

"We're on our way to Cloudsdale!" Scootaloo yelled.

Applebloom grins. "Cutie Mark Crusaders Sky Pirates! Time to ship off, mates!"

Applejack ran off to find Rainbow Dash, but not after gathering the other girls firsthand and tell them what the fillies were up to. They'd be a bit late in stopping as the Cutie Mark Crusaders Sky Pirates looted and plundered Cloudsdale of precious treasures. Pinkie Pie found the idea really fun and would eventually join the fillies on adventure across the clouds.


	5. So You Can Become a Princess?

**Cutie Mark Crusaders Tales of Exports**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the official characters from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. Lauren Faust is the person who created this generation of ponies. I also do not own anything that may emerge as crossover material. All I own are any original characters used as filler ponies. This is a collection story for _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. It is mainly CMC!Centric but may also feature other ponies from the show. It may also contain the occasional Pinkie Pie randomness.

* * *

**So You Can Become a Princess?**

Applebloom and Scootaloo stare in wonder at their friend.

"So? How do I look?"

"Amazing," the two girls respond in whispered tones, still in awe of the proud wings Sweetie Belle displayed.

Wait... wings?

"You're just like Twilight, Sweetie Belle," said Applebloom.

She grins. Wings and unicorn horn combined, she was now an alicorn.

"Yup! I just woke up this morning and bam! I got awesome wings," Sweetie Belle told her friends.

Scootaloo smiles, a light blush forming over her cheeks. "Wish I could be a princess," she whispers sweetly, and kissed the girl.

"I want to be a princess! Show me how!" Applebloom yells, tackling the filly and also kissing her.

Sweetie Belle fell off her bed in a tumble, and opened her eyes. She got up from the bed and looks at herself in the mirror. No wings.

"Damn it... just a dream," she grumbled.

She then started blushing as she realized in her dream she got kissed by Applebloom AND Scootaloo.


	6. Human Troubles

**Cutie Mark Crusaders Tales of Exports**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the official characters from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. Lauren Faust is the person who created this generation of ponies. I also do not own anything that may emerge as crossover material. All I own are any original characters used as filler ponies. This is a collection story for _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. It is mainly CMC!Centric but may also feature other ponies from the show. It may also contain the occasional Pinkie Pie randomness.

**Author's Note:** The CMC are humanized now. I may write more of this later on. For now...

* * *

**Human Troubles**

The day started off well with nothing wrong happening in Ponyville. Then all of a sudden our three favorite fillies were engulfed in smoke. Coughing is heard in the thick gray smoke.

"What the hay is going on?" Scootaloo choked in the clearing smoke.

"I feel funny," Sweetie Belle muttered.

"KYAAAAAA!"

That was Applebloom.

As the smoke finally cleared our three favorite fillies... discovered they have become... well... they were no longer ponies. They were hairless monkeys with tails. That's the closest they could figure out.

"My wings! They're gone!" Scootaloo cried out, as she reached around best she can with her now longer limbs, feeling just bare skin.

"We're naked! And why do I suddenly know we're called humans?" spoke a confused, brightly blushing Applebloom, who used her sister's spare hat (they keep in the club house) to try and cover herself.

"Of course we're naked," Scootaloo spoke up, as she decides to sit down on the ground covered in green carpeting. "I mean we're ponies and we hardly wear clothes."

"This is different!" Applebloom yells. "We're human preteen girls! I have this sudden fear of a goofy cartoon bear coming to peek on us with a perverted giggle!"

"Cartoon bear?" Sweetie Belle questioned aloud.

A certain bear giggles in the Everfree Forest...

Scootaloo sighed. "Never mind that right now, Sweetie Belle. Now we obviously can't remain like this, girls. I doubt anyone in Ponyville will understand what's happened to us..."

"Hey! I know! Let's go see big sis and ask her to make us some clothes!" Sweetie Belle told the other two girls. Rarity was always creating new clothes and she had the idea that creating clothes for a non-pony form would be a challenge she would gladly enjoy. Once of course they explain themselves off, of course.

Arms crossed over her chest, Scootaloo replied, "And how do we get across Ponyville without anypony seeing us, and stirring pandemonium?"

Somehow, with miraculous luck, the three humanized fillies have escaped the club house, crossed Ponyville without being seen by anybody (although they had a close call with Spike who was doing his daily chores for Twilight) and made it to the Boutique.

"Rarity! Are you here?"

Snipping a ribbon into equal lengths for her next project, the mare spoke up. "I'm here Sweetie Belle."

"Sis, we need clothes."

When Rarity turned around, instead of seeing her little sister and her two friends, she instead sees three... hairless female monkeys. No fur, but they had hair and were exactly like the three fillies she and the other girls knew. The hair styles not only gave it away, but the voice of her darling little sister was the same as the one now standing before her with the other two girls.

"Yeah... we were playing this cool board game we found in the club house and then all of a sudden we got enveloped into thick smoke and we... well... we became humans," Sweetie Belle explained shyly. Applebloom was the shiest as she kept her hand covering her private area, and the hat hid her chest. Right now, Scootaloo was the only pony... err... person, who was unashamed of her nakedness. Considering she had her hands on her hips and stood in a manner that proclaims to the world "I don't give a damn what you think of me".

Rarity just stared. "What board game?" She finally questions the three girls, mind fully accepting what happened to the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"We don't know. It's written in an old strange-looking language but the game instructions were in plain English," Scootaloo answered.

The mare sighs. "Get over here so I can measure you girls," Rarity ordered the three now-human fillies, magic levitating her tape off the nearby table as well as fabrics from around the shop.

And as she off to do her job (taking this as a challenge working on non-pony forms) she was thinking about how to tell the other girls about what happened. Knowing her friend Twilight, she would start researching into this "strange board game" that was in a "different language".

"Hey Rarity, can you make my clothes in something red and black?" Scootaloo requested.

* * *

**The CMC are human, and are getting clothes. What will they do now that they are cute human girls you'd want to cuddle with while running away from Chris Hansen who mistakes it as something else? What about that giggling bear in the woods? Will Scootaloo be dressed as Dante Sparda? I don't know. Tune in to find out.** :P**  
**


	7. The Castlevania Crusaders

**Cutie Mark Crusaders Tales of Exports**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the official characters from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. Lauren Faust is the person who created this generation of ponies. I also do not own anything that may emerge as crossover material. All I own are any original characters used as filler ponies. This is a collection story for _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. It is mainly CMC!Centric but may also feature other ponies from the show. It may also contain the occasional Pinkie Pie randomness.

* * *

******The Castlevania Crusaders**

"Why am I the vampire? Why can't I be the awesome slayer?" Scootaloo complained. She was wearing Dracula's costume from Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.

"Because I make this look good," Applebloom calmly stated, wearing a replica of Simon Belmont's armor and clothing from Super Castlevania IV, Vampire Killer in hoof.

"What about me?" Sweetie Belle complains herself, not in a costume.

The two fillies look to each other. "Uh..."


	8. Black Dusk

**Cutie Mark Crusaders Tales of Exports**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the official characters from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. Lauren Faust is the person who created this generation of ponies. I also do not own anything that may emerge as crossover material. All I own are any original characters used as filler ponies.

This is a collection story for _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. It is partly CMC!Centric but may also feature other ponies from the show, or will feature oneshots that involve all the other background ponies/characters, and the Mane Six. It may also contain the occasional Pinkie Pie randomness.

**Author's Note:** So seeing the rule 63 of Twilight Sparkle... I thought to write something using Dusk and myself as a pony, Black Crystal Wisher. Maybe I'll write more of Dusk Shine sometime. Yeah...

* * *

**Black Dusk**

"I really don't see what's so funny," said Dusk Shine, annoyed, and sounding very much like MegaMan EXE (from the anime _MegaMan NT Warrior_; yeah I think that voice fits Dusk Shine perfectly... being voiced by Andrew Francis).

"You obviously do not see humor in it Dusk, my bro," said Black Wisher Crystal. Yes, Black Wisher Crystal was the full name. He would rather be called Black for short. No, not Sirius Black from _Harry Potter_… and his cutie mark is a strange one resembling a gold ring with a curved S-like marking in the center of the gold ring. A diagonal line made of "magic sparkles" mar the cutie mark.

Yes, a strange if not unique cutie mark you'd ever see on a teenaged colt.

"You are crazy, Black," said Dusk, trotting away.

Black just chuckles, catching up with his friend.

"Says the pony that lurks up on Ponichan, and read those doujins on Cloppu-"

Dusk was blushing, clamping Black's mouth shut.

"Shut up, Black," he hastily whispers.

Black just knew he had won this. His friend may be a studious guy, who is the protégé of Princess Celestia herself, but even HE knew his friend had a bit of a perverted side to him. The tan brown pony with the wild black ahoge-style mane just laughs again.

Dusk gives Black the annoyed look. "Again, I see not the humor in it all."

"And YOU don't understand the crack fiction one can make out of Spike's situation and his double dragon balls. Hehehe… I wonder if we collect seven of his balls we can make a wish or something to some almighty deity in the heavens."

Dusk back-hoofs Black over the head. This is the pony version of Gibbs cuffing his co-workers over the head on NCIS.

"Why am I friends with you again?"

"We were the somewhat unpopular guys in high school even though you had the cute bishounen factor working for you, while I was the odd gamer slash punk rocker. Speaking of punk rock, Vinyl and I are hitting it well on our wonderful relationship. You got a marefriend, yet?"

Dusk blushed. "No. Not yet."

"Man I am glad I came to this place… Ponyville… needs a better name. The point is that since I'm here while Spike's getting the snip-snip, I'm going to find you a cute girl to clop with. Either that or get you into the Tenchi Solution with those mares you hang out with."

"WHAT!?"

Black ignored Dusk's shout, and drags the purple unicorn down the street.


	9. The Tenchi Solution

**Cutie Mark Crusaders Tales of Exports**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the official characters from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Lauren Faust is the person who created this generation of ponies. I also do not own anything that may emerge as crossover material. All I own are any original characters used as filler ponies.

This is a collection story for _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. It features the Cutie Mark Crusaders in their misadventures or in oneshot material, oneshots that involve all the other background ponies/characters, and the Mane Six. It may also contain the occasional Pinkie Pie randomness.

**Author's Note:** A continuation of the previous chapter... it's supposed to be more funny than the last.

* * *

**The Tenchi Solution**

Dusk Shine was afraid of what Black Crystal Wisher was planning. Well, somewhat afraid...

His perverted side was wondering just what Black was plotting, his other side wants to run away and hide in many books from the library. His flight response was from his mare friends being invited to Black's residence on the outskirts of Ponyville (about half a mile to the north).

"So glad you all can make it," the tan-brown pony greeted his house guests. "To clear some air up, my name's Black Crystal Wisher. And yes, ladies, that IS my name. I prefer Black if you want to be short. Vinyl and Lyra call me that all the time. I'm Dusk's friend from Canterlot."

The girls all say their hellos to Black, who looks to Dusk with a smirk.

"Did you enjoy my brunch I made?"

"Oh yes, darling, it was wonderful," Rarity says in a polite tone. She had enjoyed it, to her honest surprise.

Black chuckled. "I would have joined, but I have something of a lunch date with Vinyl so... saving myself for the restaurant we're checking out that opened last week. Now, for the surprise: girls, Dusk, the food was spiked with an aphrodisiac. Or in laymen terms: Viagra."

He enjoyed the looks to shock that washed over the six.

"The house has special magical runes of my creation, something I have been working on for the past few weeks before I arrived here to Ponyville, that will keep you all trapped in my house. So... have fun... Dusk..."

And before anyone can do something, Black had teleported himself out of his living room with magic, and a bubble of purple magic forms all around the property before turning transparent. The ahoge-maned unicorn reappears in a sparkling pop of magical energy, in front of the home of Vinyl Scratch and Octavia.

"If Dusk and the girls don't kill me, they'll thank me for fixing their love lives... mainly Dusk."

He knocks on the front door politely.

And that's how you solve a Tenchi Solution with a colt who has five mares extremely attracted to him.

* * *

**Well... I call it a day well spent.** :P


	10. Bustin' Makes Me Feel Good

**Cutie Mark Crusaders Tales of Exports**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the official characters from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Lauren Faust is the person who created this generation of ponies. I also do not own anything that may emerge as crossover material. All I own are any original characters used as filler ponies.

**Author's Note:** This is a collection story for _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. It features the Cutie Mark Crusaders in their misadventures or in oneshot material, oneshots that involve all the other background ponies/characters, and the Mane Six. It may also contain the occasional Pinkie Pie randomness.

But for this one, guess what movie I parodied this from. :P

* * *

**Bustin' Makes Me Feel Good**

"So why are we doing this again?"

"Because he's trying to destroy the world?" Scootaloo yells out amongst the howling winds and dark wisps of clouds trying to whip them like shadowy tentacles.

"Shaddup and just point and get ready to fire, girls," Applebloom yells.

The darkness looming over the horizon was King Sombra returning from whatever he disappeared to when he was "defeated" the first time.

Three fillies were decked out in full-body jumpsuits, with glowing flashing backpacks worn. Each filly wielded a really unique gun one would be familiar with if you're a moviegoer. The barrels shine with radiant light and magic, and for Sweetie Belle she was wearing goggles over her eyes with a grin on her face. And as Sombra's evil eyes burst from the clouds, and his head and purple horn emerges ready to strike with his black crystal magic, the three fillies pull the triggers and three energy blasts each hit the dark pony sorcerer. The dark scream let loose would scare any weak soul.

And yet again, the world was saved... thanks to the Cutie Mark Crusaders Evil Busters!

And look, no need for the Elements of Harmony this time!


End file.
